The Journey of a Modern Stoic: Lessons from My Path
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” — Epictetus
1. Stoicism at Gate A10
Stoicism first tapped me on the shoulder in January 2021, while I waited at Gate A10 of Sacramento Airport for a flight back to Mexico. I’d just been asked for a divorce. The fear of losing my nuclear family—my kids, my life-as-planned—pressed on my chest harder than the KN-95 mask I was wearing.
A few dark weeks followed. One night, sick of doom-scrolling Instagram and Facebook, I purged my feeds and followed only accounts about personal growth. Almost overnight, quotes from Marcus Aurelius and videos on Stoicism took over my timeline. Algorithmic fate, meet existential need.
Within days I ordered William B. Irvine’s A Guide to the Good Life. That book became my boarding pass onto a new path.
2. Early Missteps: From Hashtags to Habits
Armed with fresh inspiration, I drafted a heroic self-improvement plan:
Plan vs Reality:
Wake at 5 a.m. to journal -> Stayed up scrolling Instagram & Facebook until 1 a.m.
Respond to criticism calmly -> Fought over the phone with my still-spouse.
No complaints for 24 hrs -> Complained about the no-complaint rule.
Lesson: Philosophy is practice, not performance. Tiny reps beat grand gestures.
3. Building a Stoic Toolbox
Evening reflection: What went well? Where did I fall short? What’s my next step?
Negative visualization: picturing distance from my kids forces me to treasure every video call.
Dichotomy-of-control list: two columns—Influence vs. No Influence. Feelings go in column one, outcomes in column two.
4. The Pivotal Challenge: Distance & Divorce
Living alone while my children were hundreds of kilometers away was emotional Everest.
Temptation: catastrophize and binge-watch Netflix until sunrise.
Stoic counter-move:
• Focus on what I can control—next phone call, next freelance pitch, next workout.
• Write worst-case outcomes, then ask, “Which step is mine to take?”
• Remember: “Mountains are made to be climbed, not carried.”
5. Habit Reinforcements That Stuck
• Ditched late-night scrolling; lights-out by 10 p.m.
• 5 a.m. wake-up for planning, exercise, and a full hour of reading.
• Social feeds limited to learning, creativity, and close friends.
• Weekly “Kids & Papa” Zoom—non-negotiable.
6. Payoffs within a Year of Starting
• Faster emotional recovery—bad moments, not bad days.
• Deeper presence during calls with my kids.
• A bias for action over rumination.
• Renewed focus on becoming a better father.
• Gratitude that survives turbulence, flight delays, and even divorce paperwork.
7. Still on the Path
Since those four-and-a-half years began, plenty more progress has unfolded—yet the climb continues. Stoicism doesn’t remove the mountain; it hands me decent boots and a map. Some ascents are graceful; others, a gasping crawl. But the view keeps widening, step by step.
“Progress, not perfection.”
Thanks for sharing part of the climb with me.
