The Power of Questions: Stoic Inquiry as a Path to Growth

The airport gate was empty except for me and my thoughts. Gate A10 at Sacramento International Airport (SMF), mid-pandemic, waiting for a flight that would take me away from the life I'd known for over a decade. I wasn’t carrying divorce papers—just the words from my ex requesting we end our marriage. The questions wouldn’t stop coming: What now? Who am I without this relationship? How did I get here?

These weren’t comfortable questions. But as I would discover in the months and years that followed, they were exactly the questions I needed.

The Ancient Art of Stoic Inquiry

The Stoics practiced what they called prosoche—continuous attention to the present moment, what others today may call mindfulness. They believed wisdom came not from accumulating facts, but from relentlessly examining our thoughts, judgments, and reactions.

Seneca advised, “Every night before going to sleep, ask yourself: What weakness have I overcome today? What virtue have I acquired?” This disciplined self-examination helped separate what we can control from what we cannot—the fundamental Stoic dichotomy.

Why Questions Matter More Than Answers

In our era of instant Google searches and AI-generated solutions, we’ve grown addicted to quick answers. The Stoics knew the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our questions:

• Questions reveal assumptions.
  When I first wondered “Why did this happen to me?” I cast myself as a victim. When I reframed it to “What can I learn from this?” I reclaimed my agency.

• Questions create growth space.
  Between stimulus and response, questions insert a pause—what Viktor Frankl called our “freedom to choose.” In that space lies our power.

• Questions distinguish control.
  The essential Stoic inquiry—“Is this within my control?”—cuts through anxiety and focuses energy where it matters.

From Ruins to Rebuild: A Personal Journey Through Questions

Four and a half years have passed since that moment at SMF. My ex formally filed for divorce almost a year later. I endured two court days, countless disagreements, and persistent challenges. Throughout, I didn’t seek answers—I sought better questions:

• “What kind of father do I want to be now?”

• “Which habits no longer serve who I’m becoming?”

• “How can I use this pain as fuel for growth?”

These inquiries led to concrete change. I began waking at 5 AM—not to read Stoic texts, but to exercise and work on self-improvement. As a lifelong night owl, this was revolutionary. Asking “When am I most focused?” revealed that pre-dawn hours gave me clarity and momentum.

I phased out social media the same way: by asking, “Does scrolling through others’ curated lives help me build my own?” The answer was clear.

Later, my weekly “Kids & Papa Zooms” evolved into in-person parent-visitation weekends, school breaks, and holiday gatherings. We still face mountains to climb, but those questions keep us moving upward.

Marcus Aurelius: The Emperor Who Questioned Everything

Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations is a record of self-interrogation, not imperial decree:

“What brings no benefit to the hive brings none to the bee. Am I acting for the common good?”
“How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does. Am I attending to my own improvement?”
“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I was born to work—against distractions, complaints, and excuses.’”

He didn’t write platitudes—he challenged himself. His journal shows that relentless questioning is the bedrock of a life well-lived.

A Practical Framework: Five Daily Stoic Questions

Here are five Stoic inquiries that can transform your day:

1. What is within my control right now?
   Thoughts, choices, actions—these you can shape. Everything else is outside your power.

2. What would my ideal self do in this situation?
   Imagine your “Sage” guiding you. You don’t need perfection—just a clear direction.

3. How might this obstacle be an opportunity?
   “The impediment to action advances action,” wrote Marcus. Every setback hides potential growth.

4. What story am I telling myself, and is it true?
   Epictetus taught that events don’t disturb us—our judgments do. Question your narrative.

5. If today were my last day, what would truly matter?
   Memento mori—remembering death to clarify priorities. This question cuts through trivial anxieties.

The Question Behind the Questions

As of today, my morning routine has evolved again. I now rise at 4 AM—joining the “4AM club”—to exercise, listen to podcasts, journal, and prepare for the day. The questions that once kept me awake now guide me forward.

But the goal isn’t final answers. Life is too dynamic for that. The goal is to keep asking better questions. As Rilke wrote, “Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

In a world that profits from our distraction and reactivity, the simple act of pausing to ask, “Is this who I want to be?” becomes revolutionary.

So here’s one final question—the one that started my journey and continues to shape it:

What question do you need to ask yourself that you’ve been avoiding?

Sit with it. Don’t rush. Let the question itself do its work. That’s where growth begins.

The Journey of a Modern Stoic: Lessons from My Path

“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” — Epictetus

1. Stoicism at Gate A10

Stoicism first tapped me on the shoulder in January 2021, while I waited at Gate A10 of Sacramento Airport for a flight back to Mexico. I’d just been asked for a divorce. The fear of losing my nuclear family—my kids, my life-as-planned—pressed on my chest harder than the KN-95 mask I was wearing.

A few dark weeks followed. One night, sick of doom-scrolling Instagram and Facebook, I purged my feeds and followed only accounts about personal growth. Almost overnight, quotes from Marcus Aurelius and videos on Stoicism took over my timeline. Algorithmic fate, meet existential need.

Within days I ordered William B. Irvine’s A Guide to the Good Life. That book became my boarding pass onto a new path.

2. Early Missteps: From Hashtags to Habits

Armed with fresh inspiration, I drafted a heroic self-improvement plan:

Plan vs Reality:

• Wake at 5 a.m. to journal -> Stayed up scrolling Instagram & Facebook until 1 a.m.

• Respond to criticism calmly -> Fought over the phone with my still-spouse.

• No complaints for 24 hrs -> Complained about the no-complaint rule.

Lesson: Philosophy is practice, not performance. Tiny reps beat grand gestures.

3. Building a Stoic Toolbox

1. Evening reflection: What went well? Where did I fall short? What’s my next step?

2. Negative visualization: picturing distance from my kids forces me to treasure every video call.

3. Dichotomy-of-control list: two columns—Influence vs. No Influence. Feelings go in column one, outcomes in column two.

4. The Pivotal Challenge: Distance & Divorce

Living alone while my children were hundreds of kilometers away was emotional Everest.

Temptation: catastrophize and binge-watch Netflix until sunrise.
Stoic counter-move:
• Focus on what I can control—next phone call, next freelance pitch, next workout.
• Write worst-case outcomes, then ask, “Which step is mine to take?”
• Remember: “Mountains are made to be climbed, not carried.”

5. Habit Reinforcements That Stuck

• Ditched late-night scrolling; lights-out by 10 p.m.
• 5 a.m. wake-up for planning, exercise, and a full hour of reading.
• Social feeds limited to learning, creativity, and close friends.
• Weekly “Kids & Papa” Zoom—non-negotiable.

6. Payoffs within a Year of Starting

• Faster emotional recovery—bad moments, not bad days.
• Deeper presence during calls with my kids.
• A bias for action over rumination.
• Renewed focus on becoming a better father.
• Gratitude that survives turbulence, flight delays, and even divorce paperwork.

7. Still on the Path

Since those four-and-a-half years began, plenty more progress has unfolded—yet the climb continues. Stoicism doesn’t remove the mountain; it hands me decent boots and a map. Some ascents are graceful; others, a gasping crawl. But the view keeps widening, step by step.

“Progress, not perfection.”

Thanks for sharing part of the climb with me.

Welcome to Stoic Wolf: A Journey into Practical Stoicism

I’ll be honest—I started this blog not because I’m some guru or master of ancient wisdom, but because I’m just as much on the journey as you are. If we’re meeting for the first time, welcome! You’ve wandered onto Stoic Wolf, a little corner of the web where curiosity meets courage, and where living better (not just looking like you have it together) actually matters.

Born in Oaxaca, shaped by parenthood, adventures, health battles, and the explorations of a restless mind, I’ve had my share of highs and some deep, shadowy lows. Discovering Stoic philosophy wasn’t a dramatic thunderbolt; it was more like picking up a handful of pebbles that somehow smoothed the roughness of my daily life. It didn’t make me “enlightened,” but it made me present—and more honest about wrestling with what’s tough.

So, what can you expect here? You won’t find sermons or one-size-fits-all advice. What you’ll get are raw stories, practical lessons, and tools that I’ve found genuinely helpful—shared with zero pretension and plenty of humility. Whether it was learning to handle diabetes alongside my sharp-snouted alert dog Mishka, or balancing a mind full of tech, law, and daily dad chaos, I keep coming back to Stoic principles. They’re not about suppressing feelings or pretending to be a rock; they’re about finding clarity and agency in a world that’s messy, loud, and sometimes a little overwhelming.

This journey isn’t about perfection. In fact, it’s the wobbly, imperfect steps that have brought the most growth. My hope is to build a space where you can bring your own mess, triumphs, or just your curiosity, and find something—anything—that makes the weight feel a little lighter or the road ahead a bit clearer.

Each post is a conversation. I want this to be a two-way street—so leave a comment, send a message, or even call me out if you see me missing the mark. I’ll reflect on the Stoic lessons that shape my decisions, the day-to-day hacks that actually work, and sometimes, the flops and detours that make us all human.

Thanks for letting me share this starting line with you. Together, we might just find that the so-called wisdom of the ancients is less about rules, and more about making brave choices today. Here’s to beginnings, to questions (even the uncomfortable ones!), and to a community that’s a little wild, a lot honest, and always in pursuit of a life that matters.